Continued Nightmares
by Destiny Lyn
Summary: "Don't worry. We'll figure something out. We always do." Sometimes the things we want to believe come crashing down before our eyes no matter how much faith we put into it. Does that also apply to what Michael and Nikita believe in when Amanda comes to ruin it all? Rated T just in case of a little violence.
1. Chapter 1: Warning

**Sorry for the EXTREMELY long wait for a story! I finally came up with a solid idea, and decided to go with it. REVIEW PLEASE!**

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Chapter 1: Warning

Darkness engulfed her as she undertook the challenge to rise from her place on the floor only to become overwhelmed by dizziness as if under the influence of drugs. She staggered forward but was forced to lean against the stone wall on her left side. Nikita closed her eyes for several seconds and opened them hoping the spinning would stop, but no such luck. For a final attempt at clearing her vision, hand placed steadily on the wall, Nikita blinked numerous times which made seeing slightly easier. Instead of seeing the world spiraling in all directions, she saw fading shades of black and gray switching back and forth. Settling for these results, she slowly felt her way along the wall to familiarize herself with her surroundings when she heard a stony yet familiar voice forcing her to abruptly stop cold in her tracks.  
"Preparation is the key to success, Nikita. Are you prepared now?"  
Abruptly rising from her bed, Nikita woke with a start, nearly giving Michael, who was laying next to her, a heart attack. Waking only because of his fiancé's sudden movement, Michael's brow furrowed in confusion fatigue evident in his speech.  
"Good morning?" he stated in more of a question than statement while looking at the clock: 6:00 AM. Too early. In reply, Nikita only clamped her eyes shut collapsing back onto the bed.  
At that response, Michael perked up with worry and curiosity toward her actions.  
"A nightmare? What happened? Who was in it? Are you okay?" he let jumble out of his mouth any signs of being tired long gone.  
"It was nothing," Nikita quickly responded feigning a smile and turning to her side.  
"I guess you never understood how bad you are at lying when it comes to me," Michael teased with a smirk tugging at his lips. It promptly became replaced by concern when he saw her face turn towards him. Her eyes were telling a much more depressing story than her lips were.  
He supported himself up with his arm against the pillows and gazed upon her beautiful features asking her once more,"What happened? Are you okay?"  
To this, she held his gaze and said the only thing that came to her mind,"She's coming."

"Nikita, just tell me what happened. Are we talking about Amanda here?" Michael asked still confused.  
"Michael," she began replying in the same tone he was using,"is there another woman that I hate that lives on this earth that I would bother mentioning?"  
"Okay, then what happened?"  
Nikita told him about the dark room and Amanda's voice ringing through the entire place. It literally sent shivers up her spine recalling the dream. Michael gently laid a reassuring hand around one side of her face pulling her closer to him,"Don't worry. We'll figure something out. We always do." With that, he softly planted a kiss onto her lips and they embraced the moment wishing it could always be like this. Finally pulling away, Michael looked up into her eyes pleading and said,"Is sleep still an option?"  
"Option? Of course you can!" Nikita smiled as if he asked the most foolish question possible. Michael began to settle into the bed when he realized Nikita's unflinching figure,"What about you?" Nikita winced at his words as if she knew they were coming but wanted to avoid them.  
"I'm going to stay up," she assured him rubbing his arm gently and laying down,"but I'll be right here." Outstretching their necks, the two quickly yet passionately, kissed once more before Michael protectively wrapped his arm around Nikita and fell fast asleep. If only they knew what was coming their way.

* * *

Nikita lay in the secured embrace of Michael, but found herself having the worst time trying to join him in a sweet slumber. The words Amanda had said echoed through her mind causing her to shudder, "Preparation is the key to success, Nikita. Are you prepared now?"  
They may have only been said in a dream, yet her instincts told her she was hearing this for a reason. She just couldn't land her finger on it.  
After a half hour of pondering this thought, Nikita realized how exhausted she was. She knew that she needed to figure this out! She never had such raging instincts as she did that night, but her body was telling her otherwise. Nikita fought the urge to close her eyes knowing that her nightmares would continue without solving this puzzle. However, fatigue overcame her. Her eyes grew heavy and as she began to protest, the world around her grew dark, and the nightmare began.  
Nikita looked around seeing a Victorian make-up table with a matching chair slid into it. Above it was a mirror with swirling grooves etched on the wood. On either side of the room were bare cement walls. In one corner of the room was a faux tree spiraling up the side. Lights dotted the ceiling, brighting up the room giving the exact opposite effect of her last dream. It was blinding, causing her eyes to beg to be closed. There were two couches on the left sitting opposite each other with a table completing the set. Resting on the table was a tea set: two cups and a teapot. Nikita widened her vision. She was in Amanda's old therapy room in Division.  
"No, I'm dreaming. I have to wake up. Wake up, Nikita!" Nikita exclaimed to herself, unaware of another woman's presence.  
"You're back! I thought you'd never come," Amanda greeted grinning mischievously. Nikita backed away slowly as Amanda sauntered towards her, forcing Nikita to collapse onto one of the couches.  
"What do you want, Amanda?" Nikita asked fearlessly.  
Amanda sat on the couch across from her,"To continue your training, Nikita," she said pouring tea into the cups,"Are you ready to begin?" Nikita began to stand up when metal clasps wrapped around her wrists, ankles, and torso locking her in place. She struggled to remove herself from their grip, but to no avail. Amanda's grin only grew wider while she sipped her tea.  
"What are you doing?" Nikita asked still straining her muscles.  
"I already told you. Are you ready to start the lesson?"

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**Hope you all like it! Also, don't worry, I'll add more Mikita scenes later on. Should I continue? Please review! Love you all!**

**~Em**


	2. Chapter 2: Dream Come True

**Chapter 2: Dream Come True**

A smile grazed his lips as he held the woman he loved most tight in his arms. Everything was perfect. The sun just began to lower itself in the sky, creating ripples of red, orange, yellow, and pink painting the world above. The blanket they lay on was checkered with black and white with bread, fresh strawberries, peaches, and ice cold lemonade. How they managed to successfully avoid a spill surprised him, but it didn't linger in his mind for too long, for he had everything he needed laying in his arms.

The sun only shed a thin line of light between the depths of darkness and the never ending heavens now. Nothing could have made the evening more peaceful or enjoyable.  
Kissing Nikita's hair, Michael softly says,"I wish it could always be like this."  
Nikita turns slightly still in Michael's embrace and smiles,"It's nice isn't it?" Placing her head in between his shoulders, Nikita still has an ecstatic grin on her face when Michael replies gently,"It's not nice Nikita. It's so much better. It's perfect. Just like you."  
Nikita frowned but still had a smile playing on her lips,"Oh I'm sorry. I don't think I heard that last part. Something about 'perfect' I think, but I'm not sure.." Michael didn't suppress his smile,"Really? I'm almost positive you heard what I said. I don't think you're gonna get it out of me twice. It won't be romantic."  
Nikita playfully punched him in the chest and turned her body so that she was facing him,"Romantic? Please! I'm the type of girl who doesn't play by the rules. I'm ALMOST POSITIVE you would know that better than anyone."  
They both chuckled lightly and closed the inches between them with a soft, passionate kiss. When they pulled away, Nikita finished her thoughts,"Of course I heard you the first time. Who would I be to NOT here something so sweet that my fiancée stated about me?" Throwing her hair back after her last words. Michael leaned back laughing until his stomach hurt.  
By now, the sun had set leaving the sky a deep blue with stars dotting the landscape.  
"What would I do without you?" Michael questioned, eyes filled with love.  
"Build the happiest life possible and live with no regrets." Nikita stated simply. Taken aback by her response, Michael turned her face towards him and looked her deep in her eyes,"Why-How could you even say that?" Nikita gazed at him with sad eyes and gently laid her left hand with her engagement ring still glimmering in the moonlight to his face and replied,"Because that is what I'd want you to do. If you couldn't be with me, I would want you to make the best life possible. I'd want you to be happy without me. You know I'd do anything for you and I know you'd do the same for me. I wouldn't be able to die with a clear conscience if I knew you would never be happy without me. I need you to know that. So I can say that because that is what I want you to do for me. Be happy. No matter what. Just don't be so happy that you forget about me." She added to make the mood a little more humorous but failing.  
"Well, I'm glad it's never going to come to that. I will NEVER let anything happen to you. EVER," he boldly stated. Nikita grinned.  
"Of course not. We'll look out for each other. Like we always have," Nikita said proudly.  
"And always will," Michael replied. To that, they both leaned in to lightly place their lips together.  
"Always," Michael repeated out loud.  
"Always," Nikita echoed. Looking back at the starry night, a shooting star passed through the sky. Nikita's eyes opened wide,"Was that a-"  
"Yes."  
"Quickly, make a wish!"  
"There's no need. I already have everything I could wish for," Michael concluded. Nikita rolled her eyes. 'Of course' they seemed to say.  
"What!?" Michael asked defensively. Nikita put her hands up,"I didn't say anything." Then, a violent movement cascaded through the air. Small waves everywhere.  
"Nikita?" he questioned. But she wasn't there. The hill they were on, the night sky, the picnic blanket, everything was gone.  
Michael shuddered rising upright in his bed. He glanced to his side where Nikita was sleeping. Then looked away, but he made a double take and saw the love of his life shaking rapidly and whispering the word 'no' over and over in a strained voice. Listening closer, he heard another word,"Michael." It was barely audible, yet still there. He had to wake her up. He began to shake her and repeat her name over and over again to no avail.

* * *

"Amanda! I don't know what you want to teach me, but I sure as hell know that I don't want to find out!" Nikita yelled.  
"Hush, Nikita. We don't want to poor Michael to take you away from me now would we?" Amanda replied in a mock tone.  
"What did she mean Michael taking me away? Where was he? Does he know where I am? Wait. Where am I? Oh that's right. Amanda's office. How did I get here?" Nikita scrutinized.  
"Eh hem," Amanda rudely cleared her throat in an effort to interrupt Nikita from her racing mind. Nikita glared at Amanda remembering her last remark,"Don't you dare bring Michael into this." Calmly, Amanda replied,"Do you even know what 'this' is?" Crap. She had me there. I don't recall anything. That's when it hit me. I was dreaming. This is all a dream that I can wake up from. I don't need to be here was all Nikita kept considering.  
"Nikita, I have great plans for you...and Michael. I can't wait for you to encounter them," Amanda wickedly said, grinning.  
"What plans?"  
"That's for me to know and you to find out."  
"Oh hell no Amanda. I'm not letting you surprise me anymore."  
"Ha! That's hilarious! If only you knew what I have planned. All the dates and times and...people. It's all so exciting and surprising!" Amanda exclaimed. Nikita narrowed her eyes,"Really? Well, I don't like excitement or surprises coming from you, Amanda!" With mocking pity in her eyes, Amanda said,"Awww that's too bad..and unfortunate..for you! Nothing you say or do is going to change my plans for you Nikita. Nothing. One of your first lessons will involve Michael because you NEVER do anything without each other right?" Standing up from the couch she had been relaxing on, Amanda turned her back to Nikita muttering to herself about her 'grand' plans on her way toward the vanity set.  
"No, no, no, not Michael..I can't let him get dragged into this," Nikita thought to herself. But he was already in this. Ugh! All of 'this' conflicted each other. She didn't know what to do.  
As the two women snapped out of their thoughts, their eyes locked. Amanda's fierce and Nikita's just as empowered. Amanda spoke up first,"You have no idea what's coming to you, Nikita."  
"Of course I don't, Amanda, but I'll find out, and then, I'll stop you." Nikita spat. Undeterred by Nikita's outburst Amanda retorted,"When was the last time you've stopped me without any losses on your part? In a good deal, both of the parties leave a little disappointed. Right?" Nikita's lips squeezed in a tight line, refusing Amanda to gain access to her mind.  
"I thought so," Amanda continued. Nikita didn't let her true emotions inhabit her facial expression. She wore the mask she's used to beguile several times before.  
Suddenly, an epiphany crossed Nikita's mind,"This is a dream Amanda. How are you aware of everything? How are you talking to me like you're here?"  
Amanda smirked as she questioned back,"How do you know I'm not  
here?"

* * *

"Nikita, you have to wake up!" Michael urged still shaking her now sweating body.

"Nikita, you-" Nikita gasped for air desperately grabbing the covers.  
"Ni-" Michael began, but regaining her composure and throwing off the covers she whispered,"She's here."

**Did you like it? Oh no! Amanda's back! That's not good! Haha! Well, till next time!**

**~Em**


	3. Chapter 3: Capture

**Yes! It's finally Friday! Everyone prepared for that Mikita shower scene!? I am! Every time I think about it, I laugh so hard! I literally LOL! Yeah….anyway, here is the next chapter. I think it's okay, but I didn't have time to edit it, so I'm really sorry if something doesn't make sense or doesn't sound good! My phone got taken away last week after I posted the second chapter and I didn't get it back yet! That was my main tool for writing this story! ANYWAY (for the second time), hope you all enjoy this chapter no matter how poor of quality it is in.**

**Oh and VERY SADLY, I do NOT own Nikita or any of its characters. I always seem to forget to write that.**

_**Chapter 3: Capture**_

Snatching her gun off her mahogany nightstand laying next to her modern style lamp, Nikita rushed to the walk-in closet, threw on her black, bulletproof, leather jacket, equally dark jeans, and socks/boots. Cocking her Glock 17, she began striding through the door when a strong arm grasped hers.

"Nikita, stop and tell me what's going on," Michael said gently.

"Michael, we don't have time! Amanda, she told me-"

_**Flashback**_

After looking down at her restraints, Nikita defiantly eyed Amanda's smug expression.

"If you think I'm going to let you everything I love again, you are mistaken. You want to get to him, you'll have to go through me first."

"Oh yes, I know, Nikita. That has already been fixed into my agenda. Way past accounted for. That is why I'll be playing around in your mind. Once I have you in my clutches, which will be fairly soon might I add, your love for Michael will not be my problem. However, speaking of Michael, he's trying to wake you up again. We'll see each other soon, so I'll let you go. Bye-bye! For now," Amanda finished, an evil smirk plastered to her face.

_**End of Flashback**_

Brushing Michael's cheek affectionately, Nikita says, "She is trying to take you away from me. I can't lose you. If that means I have to give myself-" Michael gripped her opposite arm, "No. You are NOT giving yourself up for me! We can find another way to get through this." Nikita smiled sadly and blinked several times, silencing him with her finger, "You know I won't be able to live peacefully knowing that you're in danger. I have to do this. You know it."

"Nikita, it's not just about you anymore! This includes US. I'm not just talking about me. Alex needs you. Birkhoff, Ryan. You're not just looking out for yourself anymore." The tears began forming again, but she refused to let them fall.

"I can't take that chance, Michael." She broke away from Michel's hold and clutched her gun to easily hold another person at gun point, striding past their bedroom door, and closing it behind her.

Nikita slowed her pace, never blinking, to make sure no one was within the house. She made her way to the kitchen window to overlook the front yard and almost missed it, but then she didn't. A gleam. A sniper. She ducked immediately and crawled back through the one story house to her bedroom to warn Michael. When she opened the door, she nearly gasped as she peered around the vacant room. Michael was gone. Because the window in their bedroom led to the front, Nikita parted the blinds carefully to desperately search for his face. However, she saw him conversing with a red haired figure. Shocked, Nikita turned her back to the window on her way to the main house door when something stopped her. A deafening scream.

Mid step, she whipped her body weight so that once again, she faced the window pane. Unconsciously, Nikita pried the glass open and swiftly slipped through toward Michael's writhing body. Sprinting his way, Nikita reached for her gun, and once she made contact, she first, took out the sniper who was only hidden by the marsh past the steps near the door, and then nimbly pulled the trigger towards Amanda's remaining two henchman. As the bullets meet their contacts, the men's bodies go limp, falling to the ground around Amanda, leaving her shocked. Nikita reached the other woman and connected her elbow to her face. Amanda staggered back dropping the .45 Caliber she held. Nikita turned her back to Amanda to reach down determined to help him.

"Michael. Michael. Look at me." He focused on her eyes, his filled with pain. Her hands caressed his face, "Everything's going to be fine." She started to move her hands to keep pressure on the abdomen wound. It was the sniper that got him.

"Where's your Kevlar?" she shook her head then realized that it wasn't important, "Never mind, that's not important because everything will be al-" Nikita choked on her words and lost her air, her ability to breathe. Finally, she gasped for oxygen as someone began dragging her away.

"Nikita," Amanda said breathlessly, "I told you we'd meet soon." Nikita couldn't fight back, for the pain overwhelmed her. All she could do was keep her eyes on Michael inside of the bullet wound in her back which ached horribly. She was after all, wearing a vest, but it still penetrated her skin, lodging itself between her shoulder blades due to the close range.

"Don't worry. Michael's wound isn't too bad, he'll survive," Amanda said pulling Nikita to her feet. Amanda's jeep was only a few yards away, so it was fairly quick and easy to drag Nikita inside, "You, I can't really say." Too exhausted to make a comeback, Nikita clamped her mouth shut.

Amanda lifted Nikita's body into the back seat where there was a window to the back and hurriedly shut the door. She then climbed in the driver's seat, slammed the door, and initiated the gas leaving Michael behind. All Nikita could only look the window back at Michael who was willing all his strength to call her name. Turning, Nikita finally let the tears come and the car propelled forward into the unknown future past the sunrise, "You told me I wouldn't lose you," she whispered, "Do the second best thing and keep this promise, please: don't die."

**Ooooooo! The suspense! Haha! **** I love making it suspenseful for all of you! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA BECAUSE I AM EVIL!I'm s**orry for torturing you all (no I'm not ^.^ lol just kidding), but I have to! Watch Nikita tonight at 8/7 Central on The CW! LOL! But seriously! Watch it! And I WILL update EVERY Friday, so don't worry! Hope you all enjoy it anyway! COMMENT, REVIEW, PM me, but most of all, continue loving Nikita!

**~Em**


	4. Chapter 4: Brainwash Part 1

**SEASON FINALE KILLED ME! How are my fellow Nikitaverse (especially my Mikitaverse) doing? PM me!**

**The wait is over! For part 1 lol! I'm I killing you all! Teehee! **

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**Chapter 4: Brainwash Part 1**

Disarmed and unprotected. Vulnerable and alone. Tear stained cheeks and hope slowly draining away.

Nikita was tired. All she could think about was his life being in danger because of her. If she hadn't gone against Amanda, he wouldn't have gotten shot, and all of this wouldn't have happened.

"An emotionally compromised agent is more dangerous than a jammed gun. Check your feelings or check out," Michael's voice rang through her ears.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

"Michael, I'm fine,"Nikita's words pierced with venom.

"No you're not Nikita. If you're not ready for this mission, check out," he replied, anger clearly rising in his voice. Nikita put down the silenced gun she was packing onto the metal table's surface and turned toward Michael,"Why are you so worried about me? I'm just an agent, not your responsibility. At least, not anymore."

"I care about you Nikita. There's no lie in what I'm telling you right now. You may be an agent now, but that doesn't make the weight of being your trainer go away. That's always gonna be there," his voice began to soften,"I'm always going to protect you. No matter what."

**FLASHBACK ENDS**

* * *

Nikita recalled his cries for her as the car sped away from him. The moment she lost her grip on the gun handle and let it thud against the floor. They had continued on the main road for a while before turning into the part of the city Nikita had yet to explore.

* * *

Oregon. That's the state they were in. The tiny city of Eugene. Nobody knows where that is on the map, so when Birkhoff told them to choose a spot to live, they chose Oregon. After doing a little research, Nikita and Michael learned the weather conditions there: cold, wet, and rainy all year except some cases during spring and summer. High pollen count. (Thank god neither was allergic to pollen!)

"That's kind of a turn off," Michael said reading and re-reading the page Birkhoff had pulled up on the web for them.

"I don't know. It leaves elegant patterns on the window glass," Nikita brightly replied looking on the lighter side of things. Michael pulled her close,"You and your windows." He kissed her head,"Yes, me and my windows,"she smiled gently punching him in the stomach. He faked a groan of pain,"Geez, you've been eating more spinach or something? 'Cause you're stronger than Popeye!" They both chuckled lightly,"It balances out my meal!" Nikita confessed.

"Uh huh," Michael began,"Eugene, Oregon. Here we come!"

* * *

"Nikita, you're awake! Let's just get straight down to business shall we?" Amanda interrupted, high heels clicking on the hardwood floor. Nikita's head snapped back to reality. Memories were easier to embrace than the present.

"What business do we have to get straight to?" Nikita curtly said. Immediately regretting her decision, a familiar feeling coursed through her body. Electricity. The pain spread starting from her wrists and ankles all leading toward her center. Only 10 seconds went by, but the agony never subsided. Finally, Nikita could breathe again. After a few gasps of air, she examined her surroundings, for she hadn't earlier. She was in a metal chair. Her restraints held her down around her wrists and ankles, complicating any chance of escape. Suddenly, something clicked in her mind. Her dream. It truly wasn't a dream? That doesn't make any sense! How could she have gotten into her head without being there next to her? What had she done? Nikita quickly resumed her examination repeating the questions in her mind. She saw bright light bulbs dotting the ceiling with a fake tree sprouting from its pot up the wall. It was a replica of Amanda's former Division workplace. Nikita wasn't in Divsion when she dreamt, she was here. Recognition dawned Nikita's features and Amanda gazed at her, "It's all coming back now, isn't it?" She then turned up the voltage and watched Nikita scream and squirm before our eyes.

"We're just getting started," Amanda continued.

* * *

It was Friday. The last time he saw her was that morning. He had already texted Alex, Ryan, Birkhoff, and Sonya the bad news. He was almost positive all but Ryan were on their way. D.C. That's where Ryan is when the worst thing possible could happen. He had lost her. He tried to convince Amanda to trade her for him like an idiot and gotten himself shot and Nikita taken.

"Smooth move Michael. You really did it didn't you? Messed everything up," he cursed to himself.

He called her name several times even though he knew she couldn't do anything. His lower mid section ached in pain. Damn! Right under the coverage of his Kevlar. Forcing himself to his feet, he slowly but surely walked toward the house again. Thankfully it wasn't too far away. Reaching the doorknob, Michael fumbled through the doorway straight for the medical supply kit. There wasn't much bleeding which was surprising since it went straight through his body. However, he was extremely grateful, for it should be fairly easy to take care of. He swiftly took everything he needed and easily fixed himself up. Physically, at least. Mentally he was broken. They were supposed to get married within the week! Now, he needed to think of a plan to get her back, unharmed. Voices called out snapping Michael out of his trance, "Mikey?"

"Michael, where are you? Where's Nikita?"

"How can we help?" Birkhoff, Alex, and Sonya burst through the doors questions pouring straight out of their mouths.

Michael spoke up,"She's gone. Nikita's gone."

* * *

"Y-you think you can b-break me?" Nikita barely whispered. Body shaking uncontrollably.

Amanda smiled,"Of course not! I'm not trying to break you! You just need to be weak for the next part of our visit, then you can see Michael again." Michael. He was the only reason she was holding out. The only reason she hasn't given up yet, and he is the reason why she will continue to survive. Nonetheless, Amanda's words scared her. Why would she give her up? What was the price?

Recovering a bit more, Nikita took a deep breath before talking again, "Why would you let me go?"

"You'll know soon enough," Amanda smirked once more, "Settle in Nikita because you're world is about to be turned upside down." Before Nikita could process this information, the world turned black.

* * *

**Don't hate me! I'm on the Part 2 right now! Haha! I'm also going to start another Mikita story with Salex and Bonya! What do you all think?**

**OMG! NIKITA SEASON FINALE KILLED ME TONIGHT! ;( PM ME PLEASE! COMFORT NEEDED! ~Em**


	5. Chapter 4: Brainwash Part 2

**Okay...you can yell at me...okay are you done? No? Okay...now?...I'm done waiting. I'M SORRY! MY BRAIN HASN'T BEEN FUNCTIONING CORRECTLY! IT'S BEEN POISONED BY THE SEASON FINALE OKAY!? Anyway, I finally broke through my writer's block and wrote a new chapter. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Brainwash Part 2**

"HEY!" Michael screamed to break through the commotion filled room, "All that matters right now is finding Nikita. Do you all agree or not? 'Cause I am perfectly capable of doing the mission alone." As if reminding him how disabled he was to NOT go on the mission he so longed for, his middle ached causing him to coil inward in pain.

"You're such an AMAZING liar, Michael," Alex remarked sarcastically slowly paving a path toward him.

"Hey, Mikey, that wound looks pretty nasty. Is it all taken care of?" Birkhoff questioned. In response, Michael glared at him with the do-you-think-I'm-stupid look while leaning against the marble island in the kitchen. As a sign of surrender, Birkhoff held up his hands and silently backed away. Alex tried steadying Michael to move him to the couch when he remembered...

* * *

He ceiling was at least 30 feet tall above their heads. The air was carrying a ice cold wind from outside, but they didn't mind. They had each other for warmth. Bounding around the corner, they reached their destination. The sign towered over all the appliances reading, 'Kitchen'.

"Just what we were looking for!" Nikita exclaimed looking up at him.

"You wanted marble right?" he replied returning her gaze. She nodded joyfully focussing on the maze of islands before them. Michael still was admiring her features when he noticed a sudden change in her eyes. They lit up. Frantically, Nikita pointed to a marble topped island with a solid oak bottom along with identical cabinets. It was a gorgeous piece of work.

"That one?" he asked.

"Well obviously. I am pointing at it," she replied rolling her eyes playfully.

"Oh quit being a smart ass," he shot back with a matching smile.

"What did you just call me? And I thought we were having a moment," Nikita said with a not so soft punch to Michael's chest.

* * *

The shadow of a smile crossed Michael's face knowing that they had ended up getting that exact island for their home. It felt so empty now. Lonely.

Michael returned to the world everyone else was in. He made eye contact with each of his family: Alex, Birkhoff, and then Sonya. Finally he said, "Let's prep for our mission."

* * *

It was another one of Amanda's mind games. She knew it. She just had to hold on. She had to hold on for Michael. And if that wasn't enough. Alex. Birkhoff. Sonya. She had to fight whatever Amanda had in store, but how? She didn't even know what she was trying protect herself from. At this moment in time, she cycled through her best memories. The last time Michael's lips had touched hers. The moment he proposed. When she found out about the ring. All the times he had told her how much he loved her and everything she meant to him. Her heft fluttered uncontrollably. By far, the best memory she had was him joining her on the outside against Division. But suddenly, her head started spinning, erupting an electric zing through her body, and she couldn't remember. How did they meet?

"No!" she exclaimed in her head, "You will never take our memories away from me!" She fought to regain consciousness, but was unsuccessful. She remembered the torture she had just survived.

_"She was weakening my system, so I couldn't fight back," she thought._

One by one, her memories slipped through her fingers like her hair did when Michael would play with each strand. She held on for dear life to the moment he proposed. She wasn't losing that. She wasn't going to lose how much love she felt for him.

"NOO!" she repeated over an over again ignoring the increasing agony as every second passed by and kept her grip firm.

* * *

Alex rushed behind a still limping Michael to the hidden weapons lab inside his house.

"Michael, are you positive you want to go on this mission? You could get hurt, and you know Nikita would never forgive herself if you we're injured trying to rescue her!"

"And I would never forgive myself if I lost her because I was too scared to risk my life for her Alex. You know I have to do this. For her. You should also know that your opinion does not overrule mine right?"

"Don't remind me." Alex gave up in defeat instead helping him pack the necessary gear for their op.

10 minutes later, Birkhoff and Sonya were focussing deeply in their computers ready to support the 2-man team safely to their target while Michael and Alex were loading up the Kia for their little trip. They hopped in, awaiting instructions.

"Birkhoff. Do you have any idea where Nikita is?"

"Mikey, have you forgotten already? We all have trackers! They are only accessible by ME, so of course I know where she is."

"Birkhoff, I'm not an idiot. Before insulting me, can you check to see if there is a signal interference?" There was silence on Birkhoff's end for a few seconds before-"Signal interference is should only affect the coms, not her tracker." Michael waited impatiently for Birkhoff to continue.

"Damn it! She modified it. But even still, it matches a Division trained jammer, so-"

"Amanda."

"Right. Now let me just check Nikita's last known position." A minute goes by.

"Got it! She was around Portland, Oregon and Battleground, Washington. I'll try to get an exact location now."

"Portland..Where would Amanda go?"

* * *

The room was a colorful blur with indistinguishable features from the chair Nikita still sat in. However it was slightly leaned back. Not comfortably, but decent. Several seconds of opening and closing her eyes gave the room a now clear image of where she was, and her memories of coming here were back. Someone got shot she remembered. It was someone she cared about-a lot. Was it Alex? No, it was male. Birkhoff? No. She couldn't place a name with his face. She had never seen him before. How could she feel such a strong connection to one whom she knew nothing about? Nikita pondered this moment, finally deciding to give her mind a break and continue the recap. Her head pounded as if she had a previous hard hit to it, yet she couldn't recall the moment.

She remembered sitting in the back seat of the truck and coming here, but why? Who would mean that much to her? The only person Nikita felt something close to this feeling was Daniel, and he's gone. She couldn't wrap her head around it.

Suddenly, a familiar click-clack of heels broke through the silent air.

"Hello, Nikita."

"Amanda." She feigned a warm smile toward the younger woman asking, "I'm doing an experiment. I have one question for you."

"Do I have a choice?"

"No, not really. Are you ready?"

"As always."

"Who is Michael?"

There was no hesitation before she answered, "I don't know."

* * *

"Look, Michael, I know we've been through this before, but you CAN'T fight in your condition!"

"Alex, I'm going. It's final." He labored in several struggled breaths, gripping his wound.

"Mi-"

"Alex," he warned.

"Okay. Okay, but don't take any unnecessary risks. You hear me?"

"Of course not."

"I GOT IT!" Birkhoff exclaimed. Anxiously waiting in the car to hear the update, Michael and Alex bolted upright from their slouched positions.

"Where?" they both asked not even trying to mask their worried tone.

"She was in Portland for sure. Near the border between Washington and Oregon. Probably something abandoned. I'll pull up a satellite image...Yup. It's a warehouse. I'm pretty sure there's a basement."

"We're on our way."

* * *

"Who is Michael?" Nikita echoed.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll know soon enough. In the meantime," Amanda began as she untied Nikita from the chair, "I'm going to let you go. He'll find you." Nikita looked at Amanda clearly confused.

"You're letting me go?"

"I always go by my word, Nikita. Now go." Nikita obeyed and ran quickly up the steep steps to the ground floor and out the door to find the person she wanted to see most: Alex. Whoever this Michael guy was, Alex should know right?

* * *

Michael and Alex had just jumped out of their car and saw a running figure burst through the doors of the warehouse. It was a feminine figure. Sprinting. It was Nikita.

"NIKITA!" Michael yelled out of relief. She ran towards the voice finding it familiar, but she didn't recognize who it was. It sounded comforting.

Michael bound toward her and met her halfway. He picked her up swiftly and hurriedly placed his lips in hers, but she didn't kiss back. He gently released her finally looking at her confused eyes.

"Nikita?" he timidly asked. She stumbled backwards still caught by surprise supplied a short answer, "Who are you?"

* * *

**Do you like it!? Lol! You can yell at me even more now!**


	6. Chapter 5: The Harsh Reality

**I really have been looking forward to writing this chapter because of the character development and learning how this family will cope with what Amanda has done, so I am terribly sorry if the wait was too long, but I wanted to PERFECT this chapter. I think I will focus more of my time on details. At least, I will TRY to. Haha! I hope it turns out as good as I want it to be! P.S. I changed the perspective to first person!**

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**Chapter 5: The Harsh Reality**

She doesn't remember me. Nothing about me strikes her memory, but that kissed we shared. She had to feel something. In fact, she didn't pull away immediately. Nikita had to know that there is and always has been such thing as us, and I promised her that no matter what, we would do it together. I promised myself that I wouldn't give up no matter the circumstance. And I keep all my promises.

The shock of her lack of memory must have been evident on my face because Nikita gave me an apologetic look. Maybe even with a hint of reassurance. Alex broke the tense and uneasy silence.

"Nikita? Do you remember me?" She quickly replied.

"How could I forget, Alexandra Udinov?" Nikita rushed over to Alex and wrapped her into a firm embrace. Alex returned the hug but continued questioning while pointing a finger at me.

"But you don't remember him?" Nikita's grip faltered before dropping completely.

"No," she began but hurriedly added after seeing the pained expression on my face, "but he is strangely…familiar. I know him, but I don't know who he is. I'm sorry." She lifted her hands in protest then abruptly froze them in the air as she saw the glint of her ring. She thought and promptly processed the information.

"Oh my-we're engaged!" she gazed at my stoic mask I put on, "I'm so sorry. I can't remember anything. About you, about us-" Nikita slowly stepped towards me and paused, briefly closing her eyes before they opened once more, "I recognize your smell." Then, she chuckled at her comment and mumbled more to herself than anyone else, "Out of all the things, Nikita, and you remember his smell?"

"I'm sorry to ruin your reunion Nikita and Michael, but we should leave. Now," Alex chipped in.

"Right," I replied finding it hard to choke anything else out. Nikita brushed her hand against mine and briefly stared into my eyes searching for answers. I knew that look on her face, but we had to go, especially when my self-control is wavering every time I glance at her. I broke the bond, climbed into the driver's seat, and after the girls were safely in their own seats, I sped off toward our home trying to prepare myself for the future I didn't have a plan for. Before I lost myself in my thoughts, I heard Nikita's hushed voice in the back seat, "Michael."

* * *

I tried so hard to remember something, anything involving him, but I kept running into walls, walls I couldn't get past. What did Amanda do to me? Did she erase all the memories I had of him? Of us? I can barely glimpse into his eyes. No matter what mask he seems to wear, I can tell he hurts. This situation hurts him, but more than anything, it hurts me understanding that I'm the one who is causing it. I have no way to stop it from happening. I bored my eyes into the ring I wore of my left finger. I knew what promise this once represented, yet how can I keep that promise when I know nothing about him? All I know is how much I meant to him, and how obvious it is that he meant something to me. When he kissed me, I pulled away, but the emotions that pounded through my head in that brief moment of contact was exhilarating. His touch made my heart race, and I barely had the control to pull away. As far as I remember, we had never kissed before. However, that kiss was one of many. I don't know how I know, but I'm sure of it. I know I love him, but how can I really love him if I don't know him?

We pulled up to a home. I know this place. The front porch was classic wood, and the one story exterior was a fainting blue color. I could explain what every room looked like from the inside through the out. I knew every inch of this place. Not to mention the Oregon Coast sand and ocean right there in the backyard. I could tell you everything about related to this house-except who I go it with and how we picked out all the furniture and interior. Is this truly my home? Our home? Of course it was. This life that is ahead of me…How can I really love him without knowing him? I guess I'm about to find out.

We all hopped out of the car and strolled in through the front door with awaiting company. Birkhoff & Sonya greeted us with hugs.

"Nikki! You have no idea what kind of hell Michael went through trying to save you," he smiled whereas my smile wavered, "What did I say? Aren't you stoked that you and Mikey are finally reunited?" He tried to chuckle to lighten the mood-it didn't work.

"I don't understand what's going on," Sonya added.

"We're not exactly sure-" Michael began. I interrupted him.

"You may not be 'exactly sure', however, I am. Amanda got into my head. While in there, she must have erased my memories of Michael." Sonya was in complete shock while Birkhoff had his serious think face on.

"What Birkhoff?" Alex and I said in unison. We glanced at each other and giggled softly before he stopped us.

"Nikki, it's possible, in fact more likely, that Amanda only hid your memories. If you two," he motioned between Michael and I, "continue to hang around each other, perhaps create more 'memories', you could regain what you've lost." I ran and hugged Birkhoff so tightly that he almost died. Literally.

"Can't…breathe…Nikki." I swiftly loosed my arms and pulled away from the poor guy.

"Sorry…"

"You are a true genius Birkhoff," I heard Alex begin as they shot insults back and forth between each other. I then realized that I hadn't looked at Michael during the whole conversation, even when I interrupted him. I finally mustered up the courage to look into his eyes and risked it. He must have felt my gaze on him because soon after, he returned my staring. We locked each other's eyes for a long moment before simultaneously breaking it to contemplate our separate next moves.

Where would we go from here? Start from square one? Honestly, I have no idea. I want to make this work, and from what I've seen, he does too, so what should I do? I snapped out of my thoughts to the sound of Alex's voice. It was still bickering with Birkhoff, but I'm sure she can lose this one fight.

"Alex, I need you," I called over the 'children'. Alex's head perked up at her name and gave a look of protest, yet she saw my face and instantly replaced hers with a set jaw and pursed lips.

"You might have won this one Birkhoff, but I'll be back," she warned as I dragged her toward the awaiting beach out the back of the house. We walked on the smooth sand for a couple seconds in silence. The wind that blew around us was cool and salty. I looked out to the ocean and saw how the waves lapped at the sand and left behind tiny pebbles and several broken shells. They reminded me of my broken memory and the heart I had in pieces that still managed to keep beating. As I dwelled in the depths of my despair, I finally began to tell her what was eating me up inside.

"What do I do?"

"What do you want to do?" Alex countered.

"I want to make this work. I want to remember everything. Our first kiss, our first trip, when we got together, how he proposed…" Once again, I survey my ring when a quick image flashes through my mind, "A fountain. Lights. Michael. Alex, I think I just began uncovering a memory." She didn't even need to think before she responded.

"Nikita, that's where he proposed to you."

"I thought Birkhoff said that we had to be around each other before I could start remembering things."

"You've always underestimated yourself. You're stronger than you think. I guess that applies to your memory too. Plus, that ring meant everything to you. You almost never took it off. Maybe it still is the most important thing to you."

"No, family means more to me than anything." I caught Alex's eyes as I said that hoping she would understand that she still means everything to me too. I'm pretty sure she understood.

"If you really want to make this work, you will do exactly that. If you want to remember, you will. You always have."

"How do you know me so well?" We cracked up as she said, "I've always known you. I'm a mini you remember?" I captured her into a secure embrace.

"No, you're not. You are so much better." We both grinned as tears stung our eyes. The lord knows that we needed to have a talk together for a while now.

"You need to go talk to Michael now."

"I know, but what am I supposed to say? 'I love you, but I'm sorry that I don't remember a thing about you'?"

"Definitely not. Just the first part." I kept her in that hug for as long as I could.

"I knew it was a good idea to talk to you."

"Of course it is. You know why? Because I am AWESOME." Again, we laughed until our stomachs hurt as she pushed me back through the back door right in to Michael.

"I'm sorry!" I shot Alex a distressed glare while she shrugged her shoulders then looked back up to Michael.

"It's fine," he simply replied. I almost walked past him when Alex pulled me back urging me to make my move.

"I need you to know something Michael." He gave me his undivided attention with a hint of hope in his green eyes, "Even without my memories, it's unmistakable that you me the world to me. And…I love you." I expected him to lean in and kiss me. Instead, he did the next best thing. He held me so tight in his arms, it was tough for me to breathe. Yet I didn't resist, for I needed him. Just before I didn't think it could get better, he whispered in my ear words I've been waiting to hear him say, "I still love you, Nikita. Always have, always will, no matter what."

* * *

**I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and again, I am terribly sorry for the HUGEEEEEE wait! I hope this chapter was worth it. Also, if you review (which I would appreciate), can you tell me whether or not to continue with first person or go back to third person? Thank you so much! I will definitely try to update more continually. I love you all, and are so grateful for the support you've given me while writing this story. I still am not sure how many chapters there will be left of this story...next update, I will hopefully have the remaining amount of chapters figured out. As always, please REVIEW, FOLLOW, FAVORITE, and PM me!**


	7. Chapter 6: Family

**This will be the last chapter. If you want to know why, look at the last chapter on my other fanfic, Meant To Be. I might resume it later on, but I haven't decided yet. I'll be doing One Shots and I'm planning on doing a Nikita/Castle crossover. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

Chapter 6: Family

The reunited family celebrated that night with a feast and drinks. Sonya and Birkhoff sat next to each other on the left side of the table while Ryan was on the left side of Alex; she was on Nikita's left and Michael the right. When Ryan sat down, Nikita looked toward him exclaiming, "Where have you been?" She laughed knowing he was probably looking at something to keep everything in line.

"Nikita! I heard you were back! You're feeling better I hope?" he replied.

"I'm doing quite a lot better actually. It's nice to be back. But seriously, what were you up to in there?"

"Oh, just a couple things to ah, um-"

"Who cares? I'm hungry! Let's eat!"

Nikita looked over at Ryan was still confused by his absence but deciding to rub it off. After all, tonight is about celebration! All had a glass of champagne next to their plate. Before digging in to the nice buffet, Alex held up her glass while standing. She eyed Birkhoff who picked up a piece of beef from the roast as Sonya slapped his hand.

"Whaaaaat?" Birkhoff complained. Alex ignored him and continued what she was beginning to say, "Let's all toast to Nikita. She never fails to come through." Alex smiled sincerely toward her mentor, her sister, and most importantly, her friend and led a chant, "To Nikita!" However, just before the others could echo Alex's words, Nikita stood up with urgency and a slight misstep that she covered as quickly as possible, hoping no one saw and interrupted, "No," she began and locked on first to Alex's eyes, then to Michael's continuing slowly around the table while finishing, "to family. All your dreams have to begin somewhere. That somewhere is family. Without surroundings radiating love, a person won't be anything. Plus, it is kind of nice to have someone to have when you need an individual to be beaten up." Everyone chuckled lightly before holding their glasses up once more. Alex and Nikita began, "To family!" And everyone finished together, "Family!" Almost all of them sipped some of the cool liquid and felt the pleasant burn of alcohol go down their throats. Only one did not.

Nikita piled heaps of everything on to her plate: mashed potatoes, roast beef, snap peas, some fruit salad, and regular salad. Everything that was placed on that table was present on her plate. Michael nearly burst in to a fit of laughter watching her eat.

"I'm glad you're eating, but geez! You are eating nearly as much as me!" She punched his arm, which he began to rub allowing a toothy grin to take over his face, and said, " Oh shut up! I haven't eaten for a day! Leave me alone!" She scolded him even though she too couldn't control the smile that spread across her lips. Everyone else was enjoying both their food and the Michael-Nikita banter. Birkhoff and Sonya playfully leaned into each other's arm then bounced back happy to have everyone right where they should be. Ryan still looked nervous but nonetheless happy.

Everyone began chatting to each other about miscellaneous things amongst themselves including Michael and Nikita.

"You haven't touched your wine. Is something wrong?" Michael asked.

"No, everything's fine," she reassuringly smiled at him, "I was just thinking of waiting a day or two for alcohol because I don't know if Amanda gave me any drugs and if they're still in my system. I'd rather not miss the two and find out what happens." He nodded at her, still not convinced, but wanted to enjoy these moments they were having.

She couldn't bare to look at his face any longer. She couldn't forget the words Amanda whispered in her ear before she left, I advise you to not drink or wear high heels. You're taking care of more than just yourself now. It's hard enough trying to fit in again, but when this gets out? The sympathy from being taken away was bad along with forgetting all about Michael. Just thinking about this being added to the mix made her nauseous. Speaking of nauseous, she hopes she isn't one of the people who get morning sickness.

"Nikita?" It was Alex's voice that brought her out of her thoughts, "Are you okay? You haven't talked for a while." By this time, everyone had finished their food and began talking amongst themselves some more; however, Nikita still had a ½ full plate. She began to pick at the remains of her food, no longer having an appetite.

She flashed yet another smile saying, "I'm fine." Alex sensed that something really was wrong, yet decided to push that away for a later confrontation. Michael's concern was also evident on his face, but he too kept it inside. He'd talk to her about it later. It was now silent as Nikita absentmindedly poked at her food with her fork until Birkhoff broke the silence, "This right here will be the world record for 'Most Boring Celebration Party After Getting Brainwashed' ever. Come on! Let's celebrate! Oh, and dibs on NOT doing dishes!" He got up along with Sonya, and they both dropped their dishes in the sink, making their way to the living room to play some video games. Instinctively, Nikita, Alex, and Michael exchanged glances, and like little children, they all yelled in unison, "NOT IT!" They earned snickers from the game room accompanied by gunshots and muffled death calls from the game's speakers. Nikita then touched her finger to her nose saying, "Nose goes!" Distracted by the TV, Michael's head snapped back to the giggle monsters beside him who both had their fingers lightly against their noses. Michael lifted his hands in frustration.

"What? No. That was not fair."

"Not fair!? What do you mean by not fair? It was totally your fault for looking at the TV!" Alex erupted.

"Exactly. You're turn to do the dishes, Hun," Nikita emphasized the last word while suppressing a grin and gently stacking hers and Alex's dishes atop Michael's, "Have fun! Plus, it is MY party." Alex and Nikita made their way to the living room while Michael glumly walked toward the sink with all the remaining dishes and turning on the faucet. They both sat down on the rather large couch they had alongside Sonya and Birkhoff who were brusquely shooting each other playful threats and gloats such as, "I'm gonna get so many more kills than you!" and a reply of, "Oh yeah, like the last time we played this game? Yeah right."

After 10 or so minutes, Michael was still busy with dishes and Nikita and Alex were getting bored of watching the two nerds battling each other, so they got up and Alex led her to the empty guest room she was staying in. Once they were settled on the bed, Nikita at the edge and Alex at the head, Alex started to speak.

"Nikita, you're not fine. What's going on?" Nikita immediately began to shift in her spot. It's absolutely hilarious how she can maintain a completely stoic expression when being questioned by the enemy, yet tremble when being question by her loved ones.

"Alex, you're over thinking this. I really am absolutely fine." Alex responded with an eye roll.

"Do you honestly believe that I am going to let you get away with lying to me like that? You're not okay, and I'm just trying to help you. You had a traumatic experience with Amanda-"

"Aren't all of them traumatic?" Alex ignored the question and continued.

"and you are safe now, so just tell me what's going on. I want to help," Alex nearly pleaded.

"I'm scared, Alex. I am truly and honestly terrified," Nikita huffed, letting out a sigh. Alex stayed grounded, resisting every instinct to crawl over and hug that woman to death and instead replied, "Of what Nikita?" She owed this bit of composure to her mentor.

"Of everything! Michael remembers me as his lover, his fiancé or is it wife? See?" she raised her arms up in the air, stood up, and opened her eyes wide, "Like that! I don't even remember if we got married or not!" Nikita shut her eyes tight, sat back down, and rested her head in her palms, "Alex, I'm pregnant." That was when Alex couldn't sit back anymore.

"WHAT? When did you find out? Does Michael know? Does anyone know?" Nikita nodded.

"I found out right before I left Amanda. Michael does not know, but obviously, Amanda knows, and now, so do you." Alex wrapped her arms around Nikita lovingly.

"I'm here for you. You need to tell Michael. You do know that don't you?"

"Of course I do." Nikita suddenly decided that the floor was extremely interesting.

"There's no time like the present, Nikita," Alex pressed. Nikita looked up at the younger woman.

"Since when have you become the wise one? That was supposed to be my job!" They both chuckled at that.

"I'm you're friend, Nikita. It's my job." Nikita returned Alex's embrace and got off the bed.

"Time to go and tell him, huh?" Alex only looked up and nodded.

Nikita left the room and strode toward her child's father. He caught sight of her and met her in the kitchen.

"Hey! I finally finished the dishes, and you're probably not here to talk about my household accomplishments are you?" She responded by dragging him by the arm to the master bedroom, deciding it would be better for him to find out in a one-on-one conversation with her than with the entire family. Nikita sat him down on the edge of the bed and maintained a safe distance away from him by sitting on the ottoman near the bedside.

"Nikita, tell me what's going on."

"I know, I know. I'm just going to put this plainly okay?" she paused, "I'm pregnant." Michael's composure was ripped off completely after those words.

"What?"

* * *

**And that is where I'm leaving the story. I hope you all liked it! I'm sorry about not having a lot of Bonya in this fanfic, but if I continue, I'll be sure to add in everyone! I hope I left this is a good place for you all, and I hope you will be able to forgive me for my terrible update times. I'll do better in One Shots and hopefully my still being formed crossover. I'm going to start writing fanfics for Castle too! Anyway, I love you all and hope you'll stick around for my future fics!**


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